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Ridiculous fat girl

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22/9/19 Today I been to Annexe to study. Thanks to Ben's encouragement, I pushed myself to study, but just little revision. I felt like something is missing, I felt empty... Binge eating > fat > sad > lack of motivation. 2 pieces chicken, 1 share of noodle, 3 donuts, 2 drinks. Why do you want to add anymore to yourself. I feel stupid. Can I restart it all? Don't you want to stay in shape like other girls at your age? Why are you so foolish? I must not let myself to continue like this. If I want to grow old with him, I must change. Start from me, then I can motivate him. I can do it, he can do it! WE CAN DO IT!
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A sad soul, Jesus, please hear her.

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30/8/19  I do not know why, I recreated this blog out of sudden.  I think it is most likely because there is plenty of thoughts and mixed feelings of mine left unsaid, buried in the bottom of my heart.  Am I supposed to write how is my day? Is this how usually people do it?  Ben, if you happen to see this, please do not feel sad that I did not share all these with you. Girls are weird, we tend to overthink when we are alone. I do not know whether other girls are like that or not, but at least I do know that I am. After a 5 consecutive working days, I often feel so mentally drained on the precious off days. I just do not feel motivated. It is not because of you or because I feel alone or lonely... I just do not know why., I am not motivated. What I know is... I simply just binge eating when you are not at home. Mc Donald, spicy and oily food etc. I am really sick of this sedentary lifestyle, the lack of motivation made me sick. I am getting fatter and fatt...
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