A sad soul, Jesus, please hear her.

30/8/19 

I do not know why, I recreated this blog out of sudden. 

I think it is most likely because there is plenty of thoughts and mixed feelings of mine left unsaid, buried in the bottom of my heart. 

Am I supposed to write how is my day? Is this how usually people do it? 

Ben, if you happen to see this, please do not feel sad that I did not share all these with you. Girls are weird, we tend to overthink when we are alone. I do not know whether other girls are like that or not, but at least I do know that I am. After a 5 consecutive working days, I often feel so mentally drained on the precious off days. I just do not feel motivated. It is not because of you or because I feel alone or lonely... I just do not know why., I am not motivated. What I know is... I simply just binge eating when you are not at home. Mc Donald, spicy and oily food etc. I am really sick of this sedentary lifestyle, the lack of motivation made me sick. I am getting fatter and fatter when day goes by. Binge eating... as well as I kept wasting my time watching You tube or Netflix to kill time and to numb myself from all the worries?

Sometime I wonder... why God created human? Since the day we were born, we study, look for a job, work, get marry, have kids, gonna earn more money, more stress, grow old. Some of us find happiness in the process, some just lost.. and gone. I am happy but at the same time, I feel sad. I cannot allow myself to be overjoy. My parents need me. 

I do not know what else I want to say. I feel like crying right now. In fact, I already did. I do not know whether He is with me, with my family. I needed him to hear us out, my family believed in God even though they are not Catholic. Lord, I have faith in you, I convinced myself that you actually have given us good things in life, eg. my bloodline with my parents and siblings, our close bonding. But I wanted it more, my parents work hard to raise me and my siblings. I have to admit, I am jealous of what my relatives have what we do not have. But why selfish people always get what they want to have and we have to work our ass off to get it. I know I am living a very luxury life compare to my parents. I am thankful... extremely grateful for what I have. Could you please reach out to my parents and siblings. Grant their wishes, especially my parents... Lord +, hear us please...